Darkness surrounds me and I find myself bitter and cold. I am no longer the cheerful person I used to be but an ice queen afraid of people, afraid of living and afraid of loving.

I am no longer the person I used to see in the mirror.

Changed and doomed to become someone else, something else, the demon inside me becoming stronger than ever.

I lost this battle and there is no more room in my heart for love, only for hatred and doubt. Perhaps it is my fault for no longer being able to see the world in all of its glory and beauty. Or perhaps now I see the world for what it truly is and I was foolish for dreaming of a better world before. Now I see the world’s true nature: cold, acrid, abandoned, careless and ignorant.

I no longer look at the stars with hope. No longer listen to music and feel a change of heartbeat. I am no longer alive.

I have failed myself, have fallen into a pit from where I can no longer rise, have fallen on my legs and twisted the bones to the verge of crushing them.

This cannot end, this cannot heal. I cannot heal nor become the person I used to be though I have tried.

Hateful pebbles fall on me, hit me hard every time I try standing up. My very soul is putrefying and my mind has grown so tired that it can no longer comprehend the words ‘happiness’ or ‘joy’…or even ‘a smile’.

I don’t know how I ended up here. Truly, I can’t remember. I can’t! No matter how hard I try. I only know this is not the place in which I used to be.

I became a stranger to myself.

…a memory,

…a wraith.

 

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